In the later part of 2018 I had just gotten a new job as a Database Manager for another nonprofit. It was so up my alley as I had done that for many years prior. I loved managing databases, running reports, helping, and serving my team, and the constituents.

A couple of months into the job I started feeling like something was not quite right physically. There was a certain amount of stress as there is with any new job, but because it was something I had always loved doing I felt sure it would pass. It didn't. I began to think I may have been in over my head, so I decided to resign. In a staff meeting the week I planned to resign, the CDO announced she was leaving. What?? Change of plans, I felt like I couldn't  'do that' to the department so I decided to wait until the new CDO was brought in. Bad Bad decision on my part - my brain and my body were quickly letting me down. 

One day while talking to a coworker I noticed my speech was a little off, slurred actually. She pulled me aside and said that she had noticed it a couple of times. Huh?? What is all this Lord? Then I noticed I could not for the life me concentrate, the brain fog was horrible. I picked up my laptop one evening to go home and it felt like it weighed 50 pounds. Then I couldn't walk very well, my legs felt like they had no strength and were going to collapse beneath me. Then my eyesight started getting weird, blurry and hard to even keep my eyes open. 

After MRIs and blood test, finally a diagnosis. I remember the day the new doctor, a neurologist, told me I had a rare autoimmune disease called, wait for it.... Myasthenia Gravis. "No known cause, no known cure." That was the beginning. This new doctor, the neurologist, (I'd never even heard of a neurologist up to that point) explained it all to me, it was like everything he said put words to every single thing I was experiencing in my brain and in my body. It was such a relief, yet at the same time there was no way I could have immediately comprehended the magnitude of how devastating and life changing this disease is. In fact, I remember driving home in the car after that appointment laughing out loud, saying "Lord, are you kidding me? 'A RARE DISEASE? ME?' yeah right..." 

In that visit that day the neurologist patiently and methodically explained a treatment plan. First, I would take drugs, which if you know me, you know I absolutely hate drugs, but if I had to take them for now, I would. (Take note of that 'for now' mentality) He also told me that he felt like if I had what he called IVIG Infusions on a regular basis I would go into complete remission. 

Okay, I give... what the heck is IVIG infusions?

To be continued! 

Lord Bless,

Barbie

Jeremiah 33:3

I was born in 1956 in Dallas, Texas. Yep, that makes me a genuine Texan and a full fledged, bona fide member of the Baby Boomer generation.

By 1986 I had moved to southern California. When I left Texas a friend told me I was just running from a bad relationship, "You'll be back," she said. The truth is I was running from God. I found out you can run from Dallas to LA, but you can never outrun God. At 30 years old, in my living room in Riverside California, while watching a Christian TV channel I said the "sinner's prayer" and surrendered my life to Jesus Christ. He instantly delivered me from 17 years of the drugs, alcohol and cigarettes and living the life of what the Bible calls a harlot. He set me free from the shame and guilt of having lived that life for so many years. There has never been a time that I thought of something in the past and said, 'oh Lord forgive me' that I didn't immediately hear Him say "I already have."

I got into a good Bible teaching church, began to pray, study His word, fellowship with other believers and share my faith with others, even BBS. Within a few years I felt the Lord calling me to serve Him in Asia, which I did for almost 3 years. During that time I could not get enough of His word and He showed me so many things. The most important was that He wanted my whole heart. 

I returned home to Texas and I could share so many things that He did in me and through me. One was leading my mom to saving faith in Christ just two weeks before He took her home to be with Him. The other was reuniting me with the man in that "bad relationship." He had also come to know the Lord and December 25, 1999 we were married. He's the absolute love of my life and we serve the Lord together in our local church. 

Me circa 1969 or 70ish At the bar!

About a year ago the Lord started speaking to my heart about not believing the lies of the enemy. He began to show me verses and impress on my heart the importance of one, memorizing scripture again, but then two, how important it is to get His truths deep deep within my spirit and believe them. Believe in such a way that it produces in me a change in the way I daily live my life. 

Then, to my total surprise, He started breaking my heart every time I saw an overweight woman just like me. I cried because I wanted so deeply to help her in some way. More verses came, like 

2 Corinthian 10:3-6 

3For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war according to the flesh. 4For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds, 5casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ, 6and being ready to punish all disobedience when your obedience is fulfilled.

I've often wondered and ask the Lord, why, since He totally delivered me from all the drugs and alcohol, why has He not delivered me from food. I think park of it is faith, Romans 4 and Hebrews 11. But I believe now He is showing me it may be more of a spiritual battle as well as a mind, will and emotion battle. 

I hope you will join me as I seek Him and ask Him to show me these deep rooted lies and strongholds that I believed far too long. As an older overweight Christian woman I know He will show us! 

Lord bless you all!

Barbie

Jeremiah 33:3  

Forgiveness is the aroma of the orchid  

left upon the heel of the one who has crushed it.