I was born in 1956 in Dallas, Texas. Yep, that makes me a genuine Texan and a full fledged, bona fide member of the Baby Boomer generation.
When I was 2 my mom and dad bought us a brand spanking new house in the suburbs. Me and my only sibling; my bossy big sister (BBS) had just about everything. Fast forward several years and the American dream fell apart. Most likely due to one act of adultery after the other on my father's part. He left us when I was 7 and BBS was 9. I did not see him again until I was 44 and BBS never did see him again. But that's another blog post. A few years later my mom remarried. My new step dad was an alcoholic. In fact, we did not have a kitchen table in our house. We had a bar instead. I could not add or subtract but I could draw a beer with the perfect head.
Something that would several years later lead to drug and alcohol addictions and a life-long struggle with food. I have been overweight all of my life. It's a battle that perhaps started back at 7? I don't know for sure, but I do know this for sure. It is still a struggle.
By 1986 I had moved to southern California. When I left Texas a friend told me I was just running from a bad relationship, "You'll be back," she said. The truth is I was running from God. I found out you can run from Dallas to LA, but you can never outrun God. At 30 years old, in my living room in Riverside California, while watching a Christian TV channel I said the "sinner's prayer" and surrendered my life to Jesus Christ. He instantly delivered me from 17 years of the drugs, alcohol and cigarettes and living the life of what the Bible calls a harlot. He set me free from the shame and guilt of having lived that life for so many years. There has never been a time that I thought of something in the past and said, 'oh Lord forgive me' that I didn't immediately hear Him say "I already have."
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I got into a good Bible teaching church, began to pray, study His word, fellowship with other believers and share my faith with others, even BBS. Within a few years I felt the Lord calling me to serve Him in Asia, which I did for almost 3 years. During that time I could not get enough of His word and He showed me so many things. The most important was that He wanted my whole heart.
I returned home to Texas and I could share so many things that He did in me and through me. One was leading my mom to saving faith in Christ just two weeks before He took her home to be with Him. The other was reuniting me with the man in that "bad relationship." He had also come to know the Lord and December 25, 1999 we were married. He's the absolute love of my life and we serve the Lord together in our local church.
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| Me circa 1969 or 70ish At the bar! |
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About a year ago the Lord started speaking to my heart about not believing the lies of the enemy. He began to show me verses and impress on my heart the importance of one, memorizing scripture again, but then two, how important it is to get His truths deep deep within my spirit and believe them. Believe in such a way that it produces in me a change in the way I daily live my life.
Then, to my total surprise, He started breaking my heart every time I saw an overweight woman just like me. I cried because I wanted so deeply to help her in some way. More verses came, like
2 Corinthian 10:3-6
3For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war according to the flesh. 4For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds, 5casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ, 6and being ready to punish all disobedience when your obedience is fulfilled.
I've often wondered and ask the Lord, why, since He totally delivered me from all the drugs and alcohol, why has He not delivered me from food. I think park of it is faith, Romans 4 and Hebrews 11. But I believe now He is showing me it may be more of a spiritual battle as well as a mind, will and emotion battle.
I hope you will join me as I seek Him and ask Him to show me these deep rooted lies and strongholds that I believed far too long. As an older overweight Christian woman I know He will show us!
Lord bless you all!
Barbie
Jeremiah 33:3
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